The Role of Self-Image in Your Life: How Who You Believe You Are Defines Your Path
WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE IS WHO YOU WILL BECOME…
YOU MATTER AND HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF MATTERS!
Self-image is how we “see” ourselves and the value we assign to that perception. Early interactions with caretakers and significant figures largely shape our beliefs about who we are and our worth in the world. These experiences can exaggerate our selfimage—positively or negatively, dictate our self-talk, and create belief systems that highjack our well-being. However, confronting and processing these early influences can reshape our self-image to be more balanced and realistic.
When our self-image is distorted in any direction, we often find ourselves trying to control external factors—people, situations, and environments—to find validation and self-worth. We may try to control others because we need them to act or be a certain way for us to feel okay about ourselves, or we might withdraw from the world to maintain a sense of control. We may search for value in superficial things like material items, position, power, money, etc…Erikson’s psychosocial developmental stages highlight how our sense of self develops in relation to others and how a negative self-image may form at different life stages.
Difficult Situations and Self-Image
When faced with challenges, a negative self-image or mindset sets us up to expect the worst in others and the world. Our assumptions and expectations based on our self-image shape how we approach difficult situations and affect our communication and interactions with ourselves and others.
Negative assumptions cause us to keep our defenses up and do not allow us to actively listen to others objectively. How we see ourselves also influences how we handle difficult conversations; we often expect others to see and treat us the way we see ourselves. In this regard, we may not communicate openly in fear of being misjudged, hurt, discovered, etc. Although we may perceive ourselves differently depending on our environment, such as feeling confident at work but insecure at home, negative perspectives about ourselves inevitably influence every aspect of our lives.
How we view ourselves is the foundation of how we perceive and interact with others and the world. A lack of self-value leads us to believe or assume others devalue us too, while overvaluing ourselves creates unrealistic expectations for how others should treat us. Even a facade of confidence can crumble, revealing insecurities in how we judge or misinterpret others.
Positive Situations and Self-Image
In the same way, when we have an exaggerated self-image (negative or positive) we will approach positive situations in unhealthy ways as well. If our self-image is positively exaggerated, we will approach positive situations with entitlement. This can have a harmful impact on those around us and can cause us to miss out on lessons and opportunities for growth. If we approach positive situations with a negatively exaggerated self-image we may sabotage ourselves and create opportunities to prove ourselves right, those “see I knew it!” Moments.
Having a healthy, balanced self-image is one of humble confidence, where we value ourselves and others, neither over the other, and create a safe space to allow ourselves and others to be valued, make mistakes, and learn from them. When we feel misunderstood or misjudged by others, we often swing the pendulum all the way over and misjudge them instead of allowing them room to get it wrong (even when the wrong is about us).
Understand that we do not have to correct people’s image of us; we only have to walk in who we were created to be, be our best selves, and let others figure it out for themselves. In the meantime, look for the best in others, and if they are on a part of their journey that is not safe (psychologically, emotionally, or physically) for you…have boundaries.
Steps to Becoming Our Best Selves
Confront Exaggerated Beliefs: Reflect on the negative thoughts and feelings you have about yourself. Whose voice do you hear when these thoughts arise? Forgive the person(s) who made you feel this way and release those words from your life; they are not yours to carry.
Take Accountability and Embrace Humility: Hold yourself accountable for when you have placed or thought yourself to be “above” others.
Practice Self-Forgiveness: As you forgive those who contributed to your exaggerated self-image, also forgive yourself for perpetuating those thoughts and for how you may have treated yourself and others.
Positive Affirmations: Encourage yourself with words of encouragement. Whether through Bible verses, positive quotes, or empowering thoughts, learn to step away from blame, judgment, or criticism and affirm your worth.
Set Realistic Expectations: Self-love does not mean viewing yourself as perfect. Embrace all of yourself—your strengths and areas for growth. Hold yourself to a standard that challenges but does not judge.
Establish Healthy Boundaries: Create boundaries that come from love, not anger. Healthy and consistent boundaries build trust with yourself and others, fostering safety and security in communication and interaction. When we mistreat ourselves or allow others to mistreat us, we break trust with ourselves. Regain that trust with yourself by having healthy boundaries.
Consider this: What is your life revealing to you about yourself? Is it showing that you have a healthy self-image, or is it signaling that you might need to work on how you perceive and value yourself? True self-care begins with reflection on your self-view and self-worth. Take a moment to list the qualities you deeply value in people, such as integrity, honesty, empathy, hard work, respect, and compassion. Once you’ve established your list, reflect on your actions.
Ask yourself: Am I embodying these values for myself and in my interactions with others? Do I practice honesty with myself and others? Do I treat myself and others with respect? Am I forgiving towards myself and others when mistakes happen?
When you focus on becoming the person you admire through genuine self-reflection, you lay a strong foundation of humble confidence. This balance can positively transform your relationships and the way you engage with the world around you. You got this!
Download the Daily Affirmations Worksheet
- Dr. Jennie
