From Chaos to Clarity: How to Break Free from Dysfunctional Cycles
Have you ever found yourself frustrated, thinking, “I’ve done it again”? You promised yourself you wouldn’t repeat a certain behavior, yet here you are, back in the same spot. Or maybe you’ve been in a relationship where you’ve repeatedly said, “I can’t do this anymore,” only to find yourself riding the highs and lows of the same emotional roller coaster.
Breaking free from harmful cycles can feel overwhelming. Many of us pledge to change, only to find those promises broken later, leaving us feeling hopeless, frustrated, or disappointed. Whether you’re waiting for someone else to change or struggling to create change within yourself, know this: all hope is not lost.
Step 1: Recognize the Cycle
The first step to breaking free is identifying that you’re in a cycle. A clear sign of a dysfunctional pattern is when you find yourself engaging in normalizing, justifying, minimizing, or blaming.
Common Signs of Dysfunctional Cycles:
Normalizing: Treating harmful behaviors as typical or acceptable.
Saying things like:
“That’s just how things are.”
“Everyone does this.”
“This is normal in my family/culture/relationship.”
Justifying: Rationalizing harmful actions by making excuses.
Saying things like:
“I only did it because I was stressed.”
“They made me act this way.”
“It’s not that bad because I had no choice.”
Minimizing: Downplaying the significance of harmful actions.
Saying things like:
“It’s not a big deal.”
“At least it wasn’t worse.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
Blaming: Shifting responsibility for your actions onto others.
Saying things like:
“It’s their fault I acted this way.”
“They made me do it.”
Step 2: Understand How You Learn
Breaking out of harmful patterns requires learning new strategies. However, forcing yourself into unfamiliar habits without considering how you absorb information may limit your progress. Understanding your learning style is key to implementing change effectively.
Four Learning Styles:
Visual: Learn through seeing (e.g., observing visuals, charts, or daily reminders).
Auditory: Learn through listening (e.g., discussions, podcasts, or verbal affirmations).
Read/Write: Learn through written words (e.g., reading, journaling, or note-taking).
Kinesthetic: Learn through doing (e.g., hands-on activities, movement, or physical sensations).
For example, if you’re a visual learner, reading books or listening to podcasts may help, but incorporating daily visual tools—like sticky notes, vision boards, or visual planners—can strengthen your retention and impact.
Step 3: Leverage the Power of Handwriting
If you’ve been following my blog, you know I’m a big advocate for handwriting and journaling. Writing activates powerful cognitive processes, helping your brain transfer new information from short-term to long-term memory. This is particularly effective when paired with restful sleep, as the brain processes and stores information during this time.
You don’t need perfect handwriting or structured thoughts. Even jotting down random words, phrases, or sketches can be transformative. Journaling is about processing, not perfection.
Final Thoughts
Breaking free from dysfunctional cycles is a journey that requires self-awareness, intentionality, and patience. Recognizing harmful patterns, understanding how you learn best, and incorporating tools like handwriting can help you make lasting changes.
Remember, the process isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about showing up for yourself consistently and giving yourself grace as you grow. Keep going—you’ve got this!
-Dr. Jennie
If you’re ready to learn practical strategies for breaking free of dysfunctional cycles and dive deeper into understanding them, join us at our upcoming workshop. This interactive session will provide deeper insights, personalized tools, and actionable steps to empower you on your journey toward lasting change. Don’t miss this opportunity to invest in yourself and take the next step toward building the life you deserve.
Hope to see you there!
