Over-Correcting
“Life is a balance between holding on and letting go.” Rumi
Humans are an amazing species, always looking to improve the thinking and doing of the previous generation. I believe that at the heart of humanity is the desire to be the best we can be, but how to go about doing that can be unclear. Each generation seeks to make right the previous generation's wrongdoings, previous relationships' failures, or a previous job's lack of meeting needs.
Unfortunately, we tend to overcorrect, swinging from one extreme to another in our efforts to make what is deemed “wrong” into something right. For example, when the recognition of how a generation of overworkers may have led to absent parenting or poor health issues, the answer became self-care, which has quickly become selfish care. Where personal indulgence takes precedence over genuine well-being, it seems that in our quest to fix what’s broken, we often replace one problem with another.
To find balance in our lives, it’s important not to swing the pendulum so far over to correct what is hurtful or wrong. Instead, it's important make thoughtful adjustments. For instance, calling people hurtful names is universally harmful, and calling women the “B” word is especially offensive. In an effort to reclaim power over this word, women have started using it with one another, but this raises a crucial question: Is it easier to normalize hurtful behavior than it is to stand against it? Does overcorrecting allow us to avoid the hard work of setting and maintaining boundaries?
Each generation faces these challenges. For instance, my generation grew up with very little parental supervision. We were expected to figure things out, get chores and homework done, and don’t get into trouble while our parents were at work. AND definitely be home before the street light comes on! In response, my generation, trying to correct the wrongs they experienced, became helicopter parents, doting over their children's every move. We were not going to be absent! And in some cases, we robbed our children of problem-solving skills and the confidence to figure things out themselves.
The same pattern applies when we aim for "better" rather than "different." In some cases, “better” is not a good enough standard. If you were raised in an abusive home, better may just mean less abusive. In this case, an appropriate standard would be “different.” However, different shouldn’t mean swinging to an extreme; balance is key! In other words, to avoid mimicking abusive behavior, we should not stop holding others accountable. Instead, we hold others accountable by communicating clear expectations and boundaries respectfully while also following through with healthy consequences when boundaries and expectations are not respected or followed.
Instead of overcorrecting by doing the opposite of what we perceive as wrong, we should strive for balance. Reflect on what is worth keeping, what needs improvement, and what might need replacing. Don't throw out the good in a rush to discard the bad. Improvement doesn't require starting over; it requires thoughtful, measured change.
-Coach Jennie
I would love to hear your thoughts, ideas, or questions. Please feel free to drop those in the comments section below. Let’s talk!
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