Dysfunction vs. Discomfort
Get comfortable
being uncomfortable!
Choosing dysfunction over discomfort is often rooted in fear. Fear, however, doesn’t always show up as feeling "afraid." Sometimes, it manifests as avoidance, disinterest, or discomfort. This can lead to us denying fear’s presence with a quick, “I’m not afraid.” But in reality, normalizing dysfunction can become a defense mechanism, or the mask or wall we hide behind, allowing us to avoid the fear of the unknown, the uncomfortable, or the new.
When we are stuck in the same negative patterns, repeating the cycle of dysfunction while saying, "I can't keep doing this," it’s crucial to stop and ask why. Why do we fall into the same traps? The answer often lies in choosing the familiarity of dysfunction over the discomfort of change. This echoes the well-known definition of insanity—doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results—where fear is often the underlying cause: fear of failure, being alone, or the fear of the unknown.
We may resist doing something different even when we recognize the need to change. Why? Because it feels easier to stick with what we know—even if it’s dysfunctional—than to face the discomfort that comes with change. As children, we may have normalized harmful behaviors to survive difficult situations. While this coping mechanism may have helped us then, it becomes a barrier to growth in adulthood.
One sign that we’ve normalized dysfunction is an inability to balance self-care and accountability. We may find ourselves stuck in cycles of blaming others, avoiding difficult emotions, or indulging in distractions like materialism. To break these cycles, we must actively challenge what we've come to accept as "normal." Simple yet powerful practices such as taking a walk, meditating, or journaling can help us process difficult emotions and open the door to creative problem-solving. Equally important is forgiveness—both of ourselves and others—which helps us break free from old patterns and embrace new ways of thinking and behaving.
Letting go of dysfunction produces pain that eventually leads to healing. It requires us to process the grief of what we are letting go of, the grief of what we were hoping for in the future, and the grief of the time and effort we put into making things work. But on the other side of the grief is new understanding, new boundaries, new opportunities.
When we learn to let go of things that are not serving us well, we have the opportunity to grab onto something new. Unfortunately, something new may be what we are avoiding. New brings out the fear in us. So, what can we do to push through and let go of things that are causing us pain and take the opportunity to embrace something new?
Here are common reasons we stay stuck in dysfunction:
Blame
Unforgiveness
Need for power and control
Fixed mindset
Addictive behaviors (substance abuse, gambling, compulsive shopping, overeating, etc.)
And here are strategies for moving beyond dysfunction and embracing discomfort:
Prioritize self-care
Practice forgiveness
Let go of what you can't control and focus on what you can
Challenge your perspective regularly (through mentorship, counseling, or reading)
Feel the fear, and do it anyway
Ask yourself: Is there disorder in my life or relationships? Am I repeating harmful patterns? Are there changes I need to make that make me uncomfortable or that I’m avoiding? Facing these questions can be the first step toward breaking free from dysfunction and creating lasting change. Get comfortable being uncomfortable! You got this!
Dr. Jennie
I would love to hear your thoughts, ideas, or questions. Please feel free to drop those in the comments section below. Let’s talk!
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