Conflict
We live in interesting times! Conflict used to be what most people considered to be a debate, and it was invited and celebrated, especially in the academic world. Differing ideas and opinions were once celebrated for their ability to create better, maybe even more balanced, ideas. Differences in thinking were not always enjoyed, but they were respected. Unfortunately, we now live in a culture where when anyone shares, especially on social media, an idea that opposes the ideas of another, an attack is launched. We have lost the ability to inquire about differences and respectfully let people think and feel for themselves. How did we get here? And how can we learn what I call “The Art of Disagreement?”
Learning to disagree with others can be difficult, but it is even more difficult when it is someone we work with or someone close to us. If we have past experiences that have made us feel stupid or that our thoughts and opinions do not matter, differing opinions are often heard as judgments. We can be defensive, need to feel right, or have a strong need to prove ourselves to others and ourselves. The truth is that we are very limited in our experiences individually. We cannot possibly know “it” all!
Why do we then need people to agree with us or see things our way? What’s wrong with being wrong? And does someone have to be wrong, and someone has to be right? Can two people experience the same situation differently?
If ten people were all at the same corner and witnessed the same accident, each one could give the police different variations of the same accident. Does this mean any of them are lying? One witness may be short and only noticed the tires, one witness may be a mother and noticed the kids in one of the cars, and one witness may have been over six feet and noticed the people crossing the street on the other side of the accident. Perhaps one witness noticed the driver of one car, and another “witness” only heard the accident because they had their back turned. This does not make any of their perspectives a lie or wrong; just different.
In the same way siblings can experience the same upbringing with the same parents and have very different accounts of what took place. This is not because one of them is wrong and one of them is right. They are very different people; one may be an extrovert, and one may be an introvert. Their focus, needs, interpretations, understandings, etc.., may just be different.
So, how can we give people the dignity and respect to think and feel for themselves and not take their opinions personally?
Self-awareness is the key to understanding why we need others to agree with us or why we are hurt by differing opinions. It empowers us to take control of our reactions and understand our biases.
Ask yourself, does this person agreeing with me make me less susceptible to being wrong?
Practice active listening and seek understanding before trying to be understood (Covey, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)…you might change your opinion.
Do not argue about what is right. As one of my mentors once taught me, “You can be logically right but relationally wrong.”
Listening to other opinions, ideas, and experiences is not a threat but an opportunity. It enriches our own experiences and broadens our understanding of ourselves, others, and the world. Don’t stop your growth by needing to be right!
I would love to hear your thoughts, ideas, or questions. Please feel free to drop those in the comments section below. Let’s talk!
-Coach Jennie
Conflict is an inevitable part of the workplace, with the potential to either hinder or enhance team dynamics. At Commitment2Change, we offer tailored professional development opportunities focused on conflict management strategies, effective communication, and building collaborative relationships. Our goal is to equip individuals with the skills and tools to navigate conflict constructively, leading to a more productive and harmonious work environment. Partner with us to embrace conflict as a catalyst for growth and positive organizational change! Check out our Conflict Management and Professional Communication training sessions.
