Self-care has become a popular buzzword, celebrated as the antidote to stress, burnout, and life’s challenges. Yet, the line between self-care and self-indulgence is often blurred. While self-care is rooted in practices that nurture our well-being and prepare us to face life’s difficulties, self-indulgence frequently offers temporary comfort at the expense of long-term growth. In many cases, overindulgence can resemble the “honeymoon phase” of the abuse cycle—an enticing reprieve that delays accountability and the responsibility to change. Whether it’s drinking, shopping, overeating, gambling, or other instant gratifications, these behaviors can become addictive traps that pause our progress, keeping us stuck in avoidance. True self-care, on the other hand, provides the strength and resilience needed to process difficult emotions, face challenging decisions, and move forward with clarity and purpose. Understanding the difference between these two paths is key to breaking free from cycles of avoidance and embracing genuine growth.

Self-care involves intentional and thoughtful actions aimed at nurturing and improving your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It’s not just about fleeting moments of relaxation; it’s a holistic approach to creating a sustainable foundation for health and happiness. Rooted in sustainability and balance, self-care often includes practices such as regular exercise to energize the body and reduce stress, nourishing foods that fuel overall health, and mindfulness techniques that center the mind and improve emotional resilience. Beyond these tangible actions, self-care also means recognizing and respecting personal boundaries, saying "no" when necessary, and prioritizing rest to avoid burnout. It’s about building habits and routines that enhance your ability to cope with challenges while fostering a sense of fulfillment, strength, and inner peace. Ultimately, self-care is an act of self-respect—investing in practices that not only maintain well-being but also support long-term growth and vitality.

Self-indulgence, on the other hand, often manifests through behaviors such as drinking, drug use, excessive shopping, overeating, gambling, or even excessive relationships/sex. These activities may bring a temporary sense of relief or pleasure, providing a quick escape from stress, discomfort, or emotional pain. However, the comfort they offer is fleeting and often comes at a cost. Unlike self-care, which fosters long-term well-being, self-indulgence frequently operates as a mechanism for instant gratification, allowing individuals to avoid facing deeper issues, unresolved emotions, or difficult decisions.

Instead of addressing the root of a problem, indulgent behaviors mask it, creating a cycle of avoidance that can hinder personal growth. For example, turning to alcohol or drugs might dull feelings of sadness or anxiety, but it does nothing to resolve the underlying causes of those emotions. Similarly, engaging in compulsive shopping or gambling might provide a rush of excitement, but it can lead to financial strain or regret, compounding the very stress it was meant to alleviate.

This cycle can become especially problematic when indulgence is used not just as a momentary distraction but as a habitual way to cope with life’s challenges. Over time, these behaviors can escalate, becoming addictive and further entrenching individuals in patterns of avoidance, disconnection, and dissatisfaction. While indulgence may feel like self-care in the moment, it ultimately delays the accountability and effort required to make meaningful, lasting change. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from the illusion of relief and moving toward actions that genuinely nurture and empower.

Although most people would not consider themselves abusive, it’s important to reflect on how the phases of the abuse cycle might manifest internally. Many individuals unknowingly find themselves trapped in a self-abuse cycle, where indulgence takes the role of the honeymoon phase. In this phase, acts of indulgence—whether it’s overeating, shopping, substance use, or other behaviors—are used as a form of self-soothing to temporarily escape from discomfort. These "honeymooning" behaviors create the illusion of relief but serve primarily to avoid accountability and sidestep the responsibility of making real, lasting change. Instead of addressing challenges head-on, this phase perpetuates a cycle of avoidance, keeping individuals stuck and delaying personal growth. Recognizing and breaking free from this internal cycle is essential for fostering true self-respect and meaningful transformation.

Anything we "honeymoon" ourselves with can become addictive and put our growth on pause. By contrast, self-care gives us the strength and well-being to face and process difficult situations, emotions, and decisions.

The Role of Instant Gratification and Avoidance

Indulgence offers instant gratification and can momentarily numb pain or discomfort. However, it often delays necessary growth and accountability. For example:

• Drinking or using substances might dull emotional pain momentarily but won’t resolve it.

• Shopping or gambling may create a rush of excitement but can lead to financial or emotional stress later.

When these behaviors are consistently used to avoid difficult emotions or situations, they perpetuate a cycle of avoidance, keeping you stuck and preventing true healing or progress.

Balancing Nourishment and Overindulgence

1. Be Honest About Your Intentions: Ask yourself if you’re indulging to treat yourself or to avoid something difficult.

2. Lean Into Discomfort: Growth often happens outside your comfort zone. Use self-care practices that build resilience—journaling, therapy, or supportive conversations.

3. Create Space for True Self-Care: Self-care isn’t always comfortable but provides lasting benefits—helping you process emotions, build strength, and face challenges head-on.

4. Recognize the Honeymoon Trap: Identify patterns where you might "honeymoon" yourself to delay responsibility or change. Acknowledge these moments and shift toward meaningful action.

The Power of Our Natural Internal Reward System

Humans are wired with a powerful internal reward system designed to reinforce behaviors that contribute to long-term well-being and survival. When we set healthy goals and take deliberate actions to achieve them, our brain releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, which create a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Unlike the fleeting high of instant gratification, this natural reward system is built to sustain motivation and foster resilience over time.

For example, completing a workout, eating a nourishing meal, or making progress toward a challenging goal activates this reward system, instilling a sense of pride and reinforcing the desire to continue healthy behaviors. These rewards not only boost our mood in the moment but also cultivate a positive feedback loop, encouraging us to pursue meaningful, long-term benefits.

In contrast, indulgent behaviors like impulsive shopping, excessive drinking, or overeating hijack this reward system, offering a quick dopamine hit without contributing to lasting growth or fulfillment. These false rewards can create dependency, as the brain begins to seek out shortcuts to pleasure rather than engaging in the more challenging but deeply rewarding process of goal-setting and self-discipline.

By consciously choosing actions that align with our values and long-term aspirations, we can harness our natural reward system to support sustainable growth. Activities like setting small, achievable milestones, celebrating progress, and practicing gratitude can all enhance this process, reinforcing positive habits and building a foundation for enduring well-being.

When we shift our focus from the short-lived pleasure of indulgence to the lasting satisfaction of meaningful accomplishment, we unlock the full potential of our internal reward system, empowering us to thrive and grow in every aspect of life.

A Balanced Approach

True self-care is a form of self-respect. It equips you with the strength to face life's challenges and embrace growth. By distinguishing self-care from self-indulgence and recognizing the ways we might honeymoon ourselves, you can break free from the cycle of avoidance and foster a deeper sense of well-being and resilience. Remember, you got this!

-Dr. Jennie